I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
