Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Randomize
