i wish starbucks made bloody marys
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
