Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
