dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
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