She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
