its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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