i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize