Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
