If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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