Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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