just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
