just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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