Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize