apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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