woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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