he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
