Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
