do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
