smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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