I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
