I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
