If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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