Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
