A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
