1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
well you can't waste a boner
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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