apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
