I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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