Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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