She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
