I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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