just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
