I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Randomize