Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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