guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I could make wine with my vomit
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize