McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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