And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
