I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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