I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
