Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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