Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
