I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
