i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
