I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize