I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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