I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
