Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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