whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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