I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
