Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
