things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
