dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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