Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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