I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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