My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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