Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
