I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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