Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
