If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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