Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
everyone is single if you try hard enough
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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