Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
