I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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