we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Randomize
