I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
