Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
