i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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