Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
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