Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
