i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
