Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
