maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
