i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
